Some Beach!

I have to concede to my friends up in Washington State and other cooler greener places that there are some things down here in the state of Arizona that I find a little strange (funny, frustrating). Life in Arizona isn't always a beach. Sometimes it's a bitch. I just keep telling myself that we only have about one more month of insufferable weather. Then it will be wonderful for about seven months! I know it will!

Here's a video by Blake Shelton called "Some Beach" that illustrates when life is not a beach! :)

Anyway, instead of paying a therapist to get me through the 'bitch' times, I've decided to make a list! You know you're in Arizona WHEN:

Lunchtime conversation with the 'girls' turns to some dermatologist who will take 80 spots off your carcass for $150!

On your first trip to the local Fry's grocery store, you're almost run down by a fleet of Little Rascals (you know, 'I'm a little rascal on my Little Rascal!') in the parking lot. You can hardly navigate the aisles with a cart because you're dodging people with walkers and power scooters. (Later you find out it was the first Wednesday of the month -- the day when seniors swarm the store to get the extra discount!)

You get your first photo speed cam ticket in the mail. It didn't happen to me, but my son got one in December. My first thought was -- 'He can fight this.' After all, how can they prove it was HIS car on a crowded freeway that triggered the camera. Then I noticed the attached page with a closeup pic of him slurping down his morning smoothie at the wheel. Busted! Of course, Arizona has bad drivers school where you can wipe the demerits off your record.

You're surrounded on the freeway and in your neighborhood by big honkin' pickup trucks and the largest SUV's known to man. And large pickup trucks seem to be especially annoyed by VW Bug convertibles (especially with a middle-aged female driving). Of course, look who's laughing all the way to the pump now!

You watch John Walsh commercials on television endorsing Sheriff Joe for re-election. Come on John! You MUST be kidding!!! Joe's the national publicity whore who made the prisoners live in a tent in 120 degree heat and gave them pink prison outfits. He basically doesn't give a crap about anything that doesn't draw a publicity circus, including the crime rate in the far western reaches of the county. I'd boot him out just so I don't have to look at that bad rug on his head for another term!

You go to the first neighborhood gathering and realize that there's a pattern to the look of the young mommie crowd. Instead of the Eastern clean-cut preppie look it's the Pamela Anderson look. Tightest jeans known to man, extremely low cut tops revealing a recently purchased set of DD hooters, large honkin' diamonds in glittery Vegas style rings, backless high-heeled sandals, etc... I guess every part of the country has its own style, but it's extreme culture shock if you're moving here from the land of grunge where dressed up means jeans, Polartec fleece, and Birkenstocks. Don't get me wrong, some people look 'normal', but it's a definite trend. LOL

Locals refer to the local freeways with a THE (rhymes with duh) in front of the numbers. The 10, the 17, the 202. It irritated me when we first moved here, and now I'm saying it too. I think we can blame that phenomena on Californians. (I'm laughing!)

You're totally excited by weather -- any kind! We spotted a dirt storm (haboob) on our way home from Costco yesterday and got so excited! If it lightnings, thunders, or RAINS, I'm beside myself and have to sit at the window and watch!

You see a woman running in sweatpants and t-shirt at 3 p.m. on a sunny 115 degree afternoon. I guess she wants to make sure she gets a good sweat?

You see an over-baked oldish woman (looks at least 70 despite all the nip and tucks) at Costco in a pair of short tight pink gymshorts with J U I C Y scrawled across her rear-end. (Not so juicy anymore?)

You get caught behind an older retired guy in the post office line and listen to 20 minutes of him bitching incessantly about Al Gore being full of sh## about global warming. No such thing as global warming! Alrighty there.

You have to walk the dog by 6 a.m. because otherwise the sidewalk's too hot for the paws!

Okay, enough is enough. I could go on and on for hours with my bad attitude!

My doggie's waiting at the door to get in the pool! (Actually, she doesn't swim. We just tricked her into wearing these swim goggles for about two seconds. And I don't think she's enjoying herself!)