Friday, September 2, 2011

Postcards from Dirtyville, Arizona

I read a theory in the newspaper this week that anger in people increases with heat. Ya think? No wonder I'm composing a rant of the day everyday!

I'll finally admit it. We're sick of the heat! We're not flooding and we're not on fire, so I guess we're lucky. Craig got up in the middle of the night to look out because it sounded like rain pelting the side of the house. Not! It was another big dirt storm. The visibility's so bad this morning that we can't see the mountain behind us, so the bike ride is cancelled. No sense sucking in more dirt and upping our risk of Valley Fever. This too shall pass. It's September and the high has to dip below 110 soon. I'm looking forward to a 70-degree bike ride some morning soon. My ship will come in!

Craig broke the pool this week! Geez Louise! We've had a small leak in the area of the pump and were trying to nurse it until we get a homeowner's warranty in place to cover repair bills. Wednesday night he noticed a tantalizing little rubber bit and couldn't resist pulling it off to inspect it. A hose flew off and we were immediately up a pool without a paddle. Earlier the same night during dinner, he broke the kitchen faucet. He proceeded to tear that apart and put the pieces in a bag to take to the hardware store. After breaking the pool, he came back into the house and slapped the parts back on the faucet. I guess he figure the two combined screw-up's in one evening might throw my ordered mind over the cliff. The pool is now fixed with a $3 rubber thing-a-ma-jig from the hardware store, and the faucet is hanging by a thread. Literally. If I pull too hard when I turn the water on, it'll come off in my hand and we'll have a kitchen geyser to match the intermittent irrigation geyser in the front yard.

News flash! Here we were, all depressed about being stuck in Bum Truck in the horrendous summer heat and we find out we've won an award. A major award! Gilbert, Arizona, directly to the north and east of us, has been named one of the top 10 places to retire in the country? (Don't ask me the author of the award. I didn't catch that. It could have been the Gilbert Chamber of Commerce?) I guess they're not factoring in heat, dirt, and all the nuts featured on the nightly news. A cost of living 6% less than the national average was apparently the deciding factor that put us over the edge (that I've been hanging on for weeks).

Another news flash! Dear Sam. We don't shop at your Club so we can be chased through the aisles by some shyster from Direct TV! If I wanted to talk to those people, I'd (a.) answer my phone (b.) answer my door (c.) call the number on the brochure they leave on my door and/or(d.) go to a home show, state fair, or wherever these shysters normally hang out!

The conversation with the 30-year old blocking our path through the store went something like this: Have you heard about the special we have going for Sam's shoppers today? No thanks and we're not interested. (At this point, he jumped out of the way of my accelerating cart and Craig, always the polite one, was left to talk with him.)

But I overheard as my wheels squealed out of sight -- Where do you live? I'm sorry, what did you ask me? Who is your current provider? Cox. Are you happy with that? Yes. You really should look around and consider switching once in awhile. We just did! At that point, Craig finally marched on. But seriously, we PAY to belong to Sam's shopping club so we can be harassed?

If this heat doesn't let up soon, I may have to start taking those pills again! : )

Happy Trails! Have a fun and safe Labor Day weekend!

Disclaimer: No Direct TV salesmen or husbands were injured in the telling of this tale.


drgeo said...

If you have a geyser in your front yard and dirt storms, does that mean you get automatic mud packs each time you stick your head out a window? Wow, what a fancy spa you inhabit!

Kay said...

We used a vice-grip to replace the handle of our kitchen faucet for about six months when it came off for the third time. The faucet company has a "lifetime" guarantee on their faucets, but they kept sending us a replacement part that didn't fit, insisting that their engineers said it would. We finally went out and bought a different faucet because I wanted my vice-grips back.

krisla said...

a good, fun read. I need to ask my brother how Phoenix is faring. Luckily, he does have a pool, but it also needed a new cover, etc.-always something... and my husband's pet peeve is that I PAY to shop at CostCo (dumped Sam's awhile ago) is dumb, but I feel I need it just to have access to the Cancun CostCo :)

krisla said...

a good, fun read. I need to ask my brother how Phoenix is faring. Luckily, he does have a pool, but it also needed a new cover, etc.-always something... and my husband's pet peeve is that I PAY to shop at CostCo (dumped Sam's awhile ago) is dumb, but I feel I need it just to have access to the Cancun CostCo :)

jeanie said...

LOL Beck, I screamed at Frank the other night to STOP fixing things. He 'fixed' the toilet seat and I almost ended up in the shower.

Chrissy y Keith said...

I am wqith ya Beck, I am so sick of the dirt. Everything need power washed. Those ^%*&&% Direct TV nitwits called me at 9PM last night. They asked how I was doing and I said, I am sleeping. She said, "I am sorry to hear that and I will only take a few minutes of your time..." at which point I said something very un-lady like. I guess the heat and dirt does make us grumpy.

Life's a Beach! said...

drgeo, the man has been back to fix our frontyard geyser three times. It's a mystery!

Kay, I never thought about the guarantee on the faucet, but I know it's one of those pricey ones. It's interesting to me that we had a crummy one in Washington State that lasted 20 years with no problem, but the fancy one is broken in less than five years?

Kris, we need another new cover for the pool. After a few years, they start shedding little plastic thingies into the pool. It's always something! And guess what! We were in Costco yesterday and the Direct TV guy was there, but he wasn't chasing anyone.

Jeanie, I do believe men ARE from Mars.

Chrissy, I was cruising through the summer until about two weeks ago when this incessant extreme heat warning started. Enough already!!! Promises, promises. It's supposed to be in the 105 range this next week? We'll see.